I am a very independent person. My parents as well as my
close friends can attest to that statement. From an early age I began to prefer
doing things on my own. One of my earliest memories was when my mom told me I
couldn’t jump into the deep end of our pool without my floaties on or without
her supervision (I don’t remember my age but it was before I took formal
‘swimming lessons’). I remember knowing
that I was capable of jumping into the deep end and being able to swim safely
to the side. Who was my mother to tell me that I couldn’t? Who was she to not
believe in me? So I jumped anyway and swam safely to the edge of the pool. I had
just proven to myself that I could do things on my own. [Editor's Note- This example also reveals how stubborn I was as a child, and no, things have not changed]
I learned not to rely on other people for things I could
just get done myself. Starting in high
school I did my own laundry. I was tired of my mom constantly telling me to
fold everyone in the family’s laundry (that was one of my chores), so I made a
deal with her that I only had to be responsible for my own laundry- washing, drying and folding. If I didn’t feel like
doing my laundry, then I wouldn’t have clean clothes to wear (I quickly adopted
a system many boys are known to use- if I pick it up and it doesn’t smell bad,
then it’s clean. Ha.) That’s just a simple example though. In high school I
also learned very quickly that other people disappoint. Based on many, many
situations that I’m sure all of you have found yourself in at one time or
another, I came to the conclusion that you can’t trust anyone. That is a very
sad conclusion to come to at such a young age, but in the world we live in
today it is very understandable. But still, how sad.
I am independent by my nature, but I think my surroundings
have cultivated it into an unhealthy independence. It became very hard for me
to trust other people. Having to rely on someone else to do something for me
became the scariest notion in the world. Everyone I had once depended on had
only let me down. I believed that I could never disappoint myself. My future
was in my hands and everything would go just as I planned it would…But I forgot
to take into account that LIFE happens and not everything goes as ‘planned’,
even though I thought I had everything under control. When I couldn’t rely on
others, I was forced to rely on myself. But whom could I rely on when my own
strength wasn’t sufficient?
“But he said to me,
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in
weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses,
so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's
sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in
difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
There are SO many
verses in the Bible that talk about strength, and all of them urge us to rely
on the Lord for our strength. What amazes me, and what I don’t think will ever
cease to amaze me, is that there seems to be a verse in the Bible for every
situation I find myself in. Coincidence? I don’t think so. God is not able to
be with us tangibly, but He left us something tangible we can go to when we
want to hear His words. A book packed full of His wisdom. JUST FOR US! The word
‘strength’ and other versions of the word are mentioned in the Bible over 360
times (I Googled it). This is something the Lord knows we struggle with as
humans. He leaves no chance that we don’t come across Him telling us to rely on
His strength. It is that important to Him, and He knows it is that important to
us.
So, let this be
encouragement to YOU and to ME- The Lord never once calls on us to be our own
source of strength. He never once tells us that He expects us to do things on
our own. Independence is great, but when you can’t do things alone, guess who’s
already there ready to take over- GOD! He is waiting so patiently for us to call
on Him for help. We are not born with strength; we get our strength from the
Lord. I have to continually remind myself of that statement. When you feel
weak, He will make you feel strong.
Today (Saturday) was
the hardest day for me in this challenge so far. I avoided the mirror at all
costs. You can be as confident in your relationship with Christ, and you can
have as many people try to assure you that you are beautiful, but if you are
not confident yourself then none of that matters. I had been riding on a ‘high’
from this challenge up until now, but it’s officially been a week and I’m
officially ‘low’ again. These past two days I have slacked on praying. These
past two days I have not been diligently seeking in the Lord for my peace. I had
been doing well so far, so I was ready to come off the training wheels, right?
I can do things on my own, God was just showing me how to do it first, and then
I was ready to do it myself. Um, wrong. Do we approach any other relationships
in that manner?
“Hey, let’s get to
know each other really well, and once we know each other well enough we can
quit talking cause I’ll be confident in where we stand in our relationship.” …..…said
no one ever.
That relationship
would never last. Platonic or romantic.
I was comfortable in
my relationship with Christ so I stopped talking to Him as frequently as I had
before. But the reason I was so close to Him was because I talked to Him every day, because I diligently read His word and sought after Him in all
aspects of my life. Once I ceased to do those things, I ceased to feel Him in
me. I am independent but I have to learn to depend on Him for the things that I
cannot do on my own. I am not perfect, but HE IS. I have to learn to trust Him
again, as I have spent so much of my life teaching myself not to trust the people
who disappoint me. He is my strength. He is the only person I can rely on. HE
WILL NEVER DISAPPOINT.
Pray for me today.
Lift up my self-reliance, lift up my weaknesses, and lift up my insecurities-
lift those up to the Lord so that He can fill me with strength and with peace.
Pray for those who are searching for the one thing in their life that they can
fully depend on. Pray they find Jesus Christ. He is the answer we are all
looking for.
“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything;
tell God your needs and don’t forget to thank him for his answers. If you do
this you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the
human mind can understand.” Philippians 4:6-7
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