Day 7- Mindset

It’s hard to find enough time in the day to do the things I want to get done. Let alone the things I need to get done. My busy schedule is catching up with me. I barely have time to think about my appearance- but that may be a blessing in disguise. I have to juggle my soccer workouts, going to class (yes, I go to class every day), studying for each class, trying to put the amount of effort into my friendships that they deserve, and somehow find time to eat and sleep in between. That is truly a test of my endurance.

Today was easier for me on the whole self-image struggle. I am getting used to looking at my makeup-less face in the mirror. I woke up this morning (after hitting snooze about three times), washed my face, put on sweats, and headed to the university rec. I only looked in the mirror once. The rec is a great place to not be self-conscious, makeup-wise, because who wears makeup to work out anyway?? When I have a lot on my mind I like to sit on the bike and think. The bike is actually where I wrote my ‘(Trial) Day 1’ post believe it or not. I think I was typing in my notes on my phone for about 25 minutes straight, but that’s where I do my best thinking (the shower being the second best place I do my thinking).  [Editor’s Note- I am not writing on the bike or in the shower right now].

I've been struggling with today's post. I've started writing in a couple different settings and stopped a few paragraphs in each time. I’m just not really feeling it today. It's hard to fake passion. It's hard to have 'incredible insight' or 'life-altering epiphanies' every day. I think y’all will appreciate my honesty more than anything.

I've been getting so much attention from this blog that insecure feelings are starting to creep back again. What if no one likes my post today? Especially after yesterday's- based on the number of views and all the feedback I've gotten from it, that post spoke to a lot of people and affected them in a lot of different ways. I don't think I can write something that life altering based on my experiences every single day during this challenge. I started really thinking about that mindset though.....

This struggle is a mindset issue that I’m finding can seep into any aspect of my life. 

Isn't this mindset the very mindset I had going into this challenge? The very mindset I’ve been trying to overcome? Think about it. People gave me lots of attention for my looks. I got insecure because there is no way I could ever live up to society's physical expectations every day of my life- so I felt insecure and worthless when I didn’t meet those expectations. Now, I'm getting a lot of attention for my blog. I am getting insecure again, because while my first week of posts have been inspiring so far, I don't know how long I can keep this passion up. It takes a lot out of me. What if I can't live up to everyone's expectation of me to deliver some super radical encouraging point of view? What if they stop reading?

I stopped myself after that last thought. Rachel, THIS BLOG IS NOT ABOUT YOU. Surface level, sure, this blog is about my challenge of not wearing makeup and how it affects my day-to-day life. BUT THIS BLOG IS NOT ABOUT ME. This blog is about the LORD, how HE is stirring up my heart and in turn stirring the hearts of my readers. I have no credit in why this blog has been successful so far. You can argue that my writing ability is a reason people like to read it- well GOD gave me that talent and is using it for His favor. You can argue that social media has played a part in spreading my blog- well GOD is using that as a tool to spread His word. There is a reason you are reading these words right now. However you stumbled upon this post or this blog in general- God had that in His plans from the beginning. He wants you to read these words. It is very easy for me to turn this blog into an attention-thing. The devil knows I love attention. It can be easy for me to become selfish and lose sight of the Lord’s plan for me. But I’m not going to let that happen.

“Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.” Luke 9:23

I need to be reminded to take up my cross daily- my burdens, insecurities, self-doubt- and deny those things so that I can follow the Lord. This pressure I’m feeling I shouldn’t have to feel. It is not up to me to try to change people’s lives. I have yet to ‘try’ to change lives so far in this challenge, yet it is happening. I am trying to change my life. Using the Lord’s words. It’s not up to me to impact the world. It’s up to Him, and He will do with my readers’ and my heart what He plans to. I need to continue to trust Him and His plan and the rest will take care of itself in His own way. Pray for me, y’all. Pray for me to continue to trust in Him completely. Pray for the Lord to lift up this stress in my life right now. Pray to protect my heart from the thoughts that are sneaking into it. Pray that the Lord will lift up my worries and my insecurities and that I will stay humble throughout this. I would be nothing without the Lord. Pray for me to be reminded of that every day.

“Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” Psalm 23:4

No matter what struggles you are going through, big or small, the Lord should always be the place you turn to for comfort. He is strong and He will give you the strength that you need.

“Commit your works to the Lord and your plans will be established. The Lord has made everything for its own purpose, even the wicked for the day of evil” Proverbs 16:3-4

Do everything for the Lord, and it will not fail. God says that everything has a purpose, whether we can see it or not.

Perspective. Blessings can become burdens and burdens can become blessings. The devil found a weakness in my heart and he’s trying to turn this blessing into a burden, but I’m not going to let him.