Days 13 & 14- "Better" vs. "Beautiful"

I wore makeup today (Wednesday) for the first time in 13 days.

Now, before you start making assumptions and judgments about me, let me explain myself:

I did not put on makeup in an attempt to feel better about myself. I did not put on makeup because I gave in and couldn’t do this challenge anymore (I’m way too competitive for that, honestly. ‘Veni Vidi Vici’ is my unofficial life motto- “I came, I saw, I conquered”. I set out to conquer everything I put my mind to). And I did not put on makeup to try to feel beautiful. I put on makeup because my sorority was shooting a recruitment video for the fall, so we were supposed to represent ourselves well- i.e. hair & makeup done. That’s all I put it on for, and I took it all off the next available time I was back in my apartment.

It felt weird wearing makeup again. I think I forgot how to apply makeup, honestly, because after I put on my eyeliner I thought to myself, “Is that how that’s supposed to look?” (read in a skeptical voice). And only a few people noticed! I don’t wear a lot of eye makeup usually, but my big thing was cover-up and blush- to hide my blemishes. If people noticed then they didn’t say anything. Only two girls on my team noticed because I had to go to practice right after we shot the video. I was happily surprised no one noticed/kind of offended because I actually put effort into how I looked and no one noticed. But that’s a selfish thought I had because as I keep trying to remind myself- outward beauty doesn’t matter!!!

From observation I have found that the people around me are not overtly treating me any differently now (without makeup) than they did a couple weeks ago (before this challenge). The same boys still flirt, the same girls still sweet to me, and the same friends just as good of friends. I don’t know if I honestly expected that to change? But it hasn’t. I don’t worry about the good company I surround myself with. I do still have those lingering self-conscious thoughts in the back of my mind about strangers who see me out, or about people I meet for the first time. First impressions are important and I’m nervous people won’t get the best first impression of me just by looking at me without makeup on. And now as I’m typing this out I am realizing how silly my thought-process is. And who really cares about people’s opinions who don’t really know me anyway?

The people who know my heart love me for my heart. The people who don’t know my heart, don’t really know me, so their opinions are irrelevant.

Now, repeat that to yourself a couple times, Rach, until you truly believe it.

I think that I look “better” when I wear makeup, but I don’t think I look more “beautiful” than I do without it on.

^^^^that’s a big realization and huge statement for me to make! PROGRESS!

Keep me in your prayers, y’all. God’s having fun changing my heart but He’s not done with me yet.