Day 15- Singleness & My Future Husband

I mentioned a special someone in my ‘Day 6’ post and in my ‘Day 10’ post. So on this ‘Day of Love’ I think it is only fitting that I talk about him.

Lately it seems like all of my friends are getting into relationships. Like really, all my closest friends are finding these awesome guys and I’ve been starting to feel lonely again. I feel like I’m left out of an exclusive club or something. A club entitled, “I’m so happy because I’m in a relationship” club. Okay that was lame, but you get my point, right? I’m over here in single-land, with my busy life (which I really do enjoy), just doing me. Who has time for a guy in college anyway?? Singleness is great, I guess, but wouldn’t life be so much better if I could share it with someone? I am 20 years old, y’all, and I’ve never had a real Valentine. (Except for my Daddy, of course, he always gets me the best chocolate)

In my ‘Day 6’ post I wrote, “I don’t want to be broken for the man that God created for me. I don’t want to be broken for my future husband. I will seek the Lord with all my heart so that when I meet the man I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with, he won’t have to worry about fixing a broken girl before he can enjoy getting to know me.”

“My future husband”

I am already thinking about him.

I am not thinking about him in the traditional context that girls often think of their future husbands, like I have in the past- i.e. I meet a cool guy and then fantasize about our lives together, write my name with his last name, and then think about how he could be ‘the one’ (sorry guys, yes every girl is guilty of this). No. I am thinking about him as if I have not met him yet. Because I don’t know if I have.

In December I heard about the idea of writing your future husband a letter and then giving it to him on your wedding day (like a snapshot of the past that he can read from a younger you). And I LOVED this idea! So, on December 30 I wrote my future husband a letter. Then I started to write him about once a week, or whenever something important happened to me that I thought was writing-worthy. I really liked that concept- to write to my future husband during this stage in my life. Like a journal (I already have a journal) but concentrated as a letter to whomever I marry. It can be a cool way for him to see into my past and be able to hear about my life, from me, during a time before he knew me. Also, it will be nice for him to know I was thinking about him LONG before we were together. That’s special.

I then came up with this statement (which I tweeted in December):

“Write a letter to your future husband every day. If you might do something you don’t want to write him about—don’t do it”

You don’t have to physically write him a letter every day, but I thought that this was a cool perspective and an interesting mindset to have as you go about your life everyday. Instead of the typical way of approaching every situation with a “WWJD?” mindset (which is great, don’t get me wrong), we can start approaching situations with a “Would I want to tell my future husband about this one day?” mindset. Talk about keeping yourself disciplined!!!

And also, when I do end up meeting Mr. Right, my letters will automatically become about him, and he can read once we are married everything I was thinking while we were dating. (My best friend’s sister kept a journal throughout the seven years she dated her current husband, and that was her gift to him on their wedding day—SO SPECIAL).

The premise behind this concept is verse 12 in Proverbs 31 about the Good Wife that states, “She does him good not harm all the days of her life”. ALL the days of her life including the days before she even meets him! We can start praying for our future husbands RIGHT NOW, ladies (and guys you can pray for your future wife), every day until we marry him and then continue after as well, because we don’t necessarily have to know who he is to pray for him and bring him good not harm. The way we choose to live our lives and the things we do that will honor him one day will bring him good not harm. We can start now!

I think this will radically change the way we live day-to-day FOR THE BETTER and help us focus on how God wants us to live. It’s hard sometimes to just think, “Okay, I need to live for God every day” because that can be obscure and hard at times. But if we focus our attention on something a little more tangible (like the thought of our future husband- I know thoughts aren’t tangible but HE will be one day) then we are more likely to WANT to live for God and WANT to honor our future husband. This is an alternative approach to everyday thinking, but can potentially have incredibly positive effects in the future, regardless of your past.

Now, here’s the good stuff for the singles, y’all:

Be comforted by the fact that the Lord has made someone specifically for you. The people who have dates today have either found that one person (yay, be happy for them) or they are going to learn soon enough they’re with the wrong person (you shouldn’t be jealous of that). Have a happy heart. Be glad with where you are at in your life right now. Be joyful in your singleness. Be patient. Being single doesn’t mean you’re alone, it means you can ‘do you’ (as I’m doing right now). You get to figure out yourself. You get to learn to love yourself. If you don’t understand yourself, if you can’t love yourself, or if you don’t know what you want exactly, then how can you expect someone else to figure those things out?

I was talking to my best friend about feeling lonely a few days ago. She’s one of the ones I talked about before about recently getting into a relationship, and this is what she told me:

“So if there isn’t a guy then that’s God saying, “Rachel, it’s time to do YOU and ME. I don’t want a guy to be in the picture while I’m trying to get closer with YOU. This can give you time to really collect yourself and find yourself in independence. The right guy will come along. Timing is everything and God’s timing is perfect! Maybe this is a blessing in disguise. You’re focused on yourself and your relationship with God.”

Rejoice in the knowledge that the Lord picked you to get closer with individually. He wants to see inside your heart on it’s own! Without anyone else interfering. He wants to take your heart and heal it. He wants you to be ready for your future spouse and He will mold you for him and he for you. Pray for them every chance you get. I want my future husband to have it as easy as it can be with me. It won’t be easy because I am human and I sin, but why make it harder on him when you don’t have to? I’ve made mistakes in the past that I’m going to have to tell him about and if he’s the one I marry then he will accept those mistakes and forgive me. In turn, I will accept his mistakes and forgive him. But based on that knowledge, why add to the list? It’s going to be difficult enough if I meet him today, and when the time comes confess my past up until now. I don’t want to have to ‘confess’ anything I do in the present. Ultimately it is worth it to wait for your spouse, as it will be so much more rewarding if you do! And it’s never too late to start.

It is much easier to date someone who knows exactly who they are, and you won’t get stuck identifying yourself in your relationship. You can find your identity in CHRIST and then grow with your significant other.

RUN TOWARDS CHRIST, AND IF YOU FIND SOMEONE RUNNING BESIDE YOU- GRAB THEIR HAND AND CARRY ON RUNNING TOGETHER.

That should be your mentality to any relationship you pursue. You should look for someone who makes you a better person because you’re with them, and someone who helps you grow closer to the Lord, not drift farther away from Him.

If you don’t already, pray for you future spouse. You shouldn’t pray for selfish reasons, but those prayers will ultimately affect you one day. Pray that he is being the man today that you want him to be when you marry him. Pray for his health. Pray for his heart. Pray for his mind and any struggles he might be going through. Pray for him today, because you want the best for him in the future.

And being single doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you. Being single means you can become confident with yourself and become strong in your walk with Christ. And to me, that is something to be proud of.

[Editor’s Note- Future husband, if you’re reading this— if you don’t know what to do for me for Valentine’s Day, just get me chocolate and I’ll be the happiest girl. That goes for any holiday or any day of the week, really. Chocolate is always the answer.]