Day 10- Three Prayers

I found three pieces of paper in my jacket today.

Two Wednesdays ago I went to a worship night at my church here at school thinking my life was great. I had just gotten back from spending a weekend with my older brother and all of his friends, and I had a smile plastered on my face that nothing in the world could take off. My life was the best of both worlds- I went to church on Sundays and bible studies on Tuesdays and Wednesdays every week with one group of friends, and on Friday and Saturday nights I went out with my other group of friends. I’ve spent my whole life busy and learning to juggle everything I’m involved in, and I had just gone pro at juggling my social and spiritual life. But, I never really got the best of both worlds; I realized I only had the pretty good of each.

Like I said, Wednesday night I went into the church feeling like a champ. But during the second song of praise I started weeping. And when I say ‘weeping’ I really mean weeping. It started with a couple of tears, but not after long I started having to catch my breath because the tears were coming faster than I could handle them. It’s hard to explain the feeling that overcame me at that moment, but the best I can do is describing it as empty. I was empty. I felt like there was nothing in me. I was not entirely fulfilled by my social life and I was not entirely fulfilled by my spiritual life. My heart was weeping, longing for something to satisfy it completely. The words and song that filled the room guaranteed that though we are broken, the Lord heals. So I took out a pen and paper, sat down, and through my watery eyes I wrote down 3 prayers. The first I titled, ‘Lift up’, the second, ‘Thank You’, and the third, I wrote too much so there wasn’t room for a title. These were the words and feelings that were on my heart at that moment.

Lift Up

Dear Lord,

I lift everything up to you. All my worries, all my anxieties, all my insecurities. They aren’t mine they are yours. I pray for my grandparents. Please lift my grandma’s sickness [Alzheimer’s]. Please lift my grandfather’s frustration. Please lift all these burdens from their shoulders & all the burdens from my family’s shoulders. You alone can give us peace. Please don’t let my grandparents suffer anymore. Please give them strength. You alone can give them the strength they need. I lift up all these worries to you.

Amen.

I wrote that prayer. Folded it up. Then began a new prayer on a different sheet.

Thank You

Dear Lord,

Thank you for everything you have done for me. Thank you for all the blessings you have given me. Thank you for being a forgiving God. Thank you for being an all-powerful God. Thank you for being an accepting God. Thank you for being a gracious God. No one is worthy of your blessings, yet you give them out freely. Thank you for saving me. Thank you for saving my family & friends. Thank you for what you have done. Thank you for what you are doing. Thank you for what you will do in the future.

Amen.

I wrote that prayer. Folded it up. Then began my third prayer on a different sheet.

No Title

Dear Lord,

I pray for my friends. I pray that you keep them strong in their walk w/ you. I pray you continue to use them in my life. I pray for my family. I pray that whatever struggles are going on in their lives that you will give them the strength to overcome it & the peace to deal with it. I pray for my peers. I pray you will continue to touch students’ lives on this campus & in this city. I pray for students in every city. I pray that in this difficult time in our lives you will touch & mold us to what you want us to be. I pray for my future husband. I pray that wherever he is right now you give him peace. I pray for his safety tonight. I pray for his health tonight. I pray for his heart tonight. I pray for his mind tonight. I pray that you lift him up wherever he is right now. I pray he can feel your overwhelming love & joy. I pray you keep your hand on him & lead him where you want him to go & to what you want him to be. I pray for the people who have hurt me. I pray you show them the kindness they could not show me. I pray you bless their lives. I pray I can be an example to them. I pray my heart will not be bitter. I pray you continue to guard my heart. I pray you continue to guard my soul. I pray for anyone & everyone who needs prayers right now. I pray you lift up everyone in this room. I pray whatever is on their hearts will be answered. I pray you continue to keep all of us in our walk strong. I pray for the people just beginning their walk. I pray for everyone’s past. I pray for everyone’s present. I pray for everyone’s future.

I didn’t write ‘Amen’ after the last prayer. I left it open. I left it open because that prayer should be on my heart constantly. After writing and talking to God through those three prayers, I felt a sense of peace rush through my body. And I started crying even harder. The girls around me started praying for me and over me, and at this point my tears were coming out regardless of my body’s wishes. I couldn’t control them. These tears were not ‘empty’ tears anymore though; these tears now were ‘relieved’ tears. I was comforted by the thought that the Lord could fill my heart completely, and I was comforted by the thought that all I had to do was ask.

I have been saved since I was seven years old. My dad explained everything to me in understandable terms, so I knew what I was doing when I repeated the Lord’s Prayer with him. When you ask Jesus into your heart the Holy Spirit moves into a new home. And He never moves out. Wednesday I felt the Holy Spirit convict my heart of the things in my life that weren’t beneficial to my spiritual health or my walk with Christ. My heart wept for authentic love that I was not getting from any other aspect of my life. I thought I was being poured into from the Lord when I went to my bible studies and church, but He couldn’t pour into me completely because there were other things in my heart blocking Him. Wednesday night I cried out the parts of my life that were blocking Him, and gave Him the room He deserved.

The next day I prayed all day and I had many other people praying for me as well. The Lord lay on my heart that there was one thing in particular I have been struggling with for a while that was preventing Him from having my whole heart. My heart was wounded and I was looking to worldly things to make me feel better. I was relying on my looks and the attention I would get from guys, and girls too, to make me feel good about myself. I placed my value in those opinions. The Lord lay on my heart that I needed to rely on His opinion for that validation, not the opinion of man. I looked in the mirror that day and decided that the only way I could truly see God working in my life and trust Him to show me my value in His eyes, was to stop wearing makeup. So I asked my friends and family to pray for me, and that Friday was my (Trial) Day 1.

I felt the Lord calling me to do something that frankly, I did not want to do. This is hard for me. I gave up every ounce of my self-confidence when I tucked my makeup bag underneath my counter. It’s sad that is where my confidence lies, but I am so grateful I get to now find my confidence in the Lord. It’s been almost two weeks now and my heart has never been more content. God is good, y’all. When you answer His call, He will deliver on His promises. He calls each of us to do different things because all of our lives look different. I had been ignoring that tugging at my heart, but He finally broke me and showed me I need to turn to Him completely. And giving up something as big of a deal to me as makeup, has never been more rewarding. He blesses those who follow Him.

“If you fully obey the Lord your God and carefully follow all his commands I give you today, the Lord your God will set you high above all the nations on earth. All these blessings will come on you and accompany you if you obey the Lord your God” Deuteronomy 28: 1-2

Pray for those who feel a tugging at their heart. Pray for those who feel empty inside but just don’t know what to attribute it to. Pray they feel the Lord’s presence on their hearts and do not ignore His calling. Pray that they have the strength to overcome whatever is blocking them from receiving the Lord completely. Pray that I will stay strong in my struggles and stay strong while trying to walk with the Lord. Pray for all of our hearts. The Lord can do incredible things if we let Him.

“The Lord will grant that the enemies who rise up against you will be defeated before you. They will come at you from one direction but flee from you in seven” Deuteronomy 28:7