Day 6- Broken After a Relationship

Being accepted by society is so unfulfilling. Society changes its expectations so frequently. Society’s goal is, “let’s see how many people we can get to fail, so the ones who don’t fail can feel better about themselves”. The Lord’s expectations have not changed since the inception of man. His expectations are very much reachable because He wants to see who has the strength to trust Him; His goal has never been to see who can fail.  Delighting in the Lord brings such overwhelming satisfaction that no worldly counterpart can even compare. Why would we want to be accepted by society’s definition anyway? Who in this world is ‘successful’ according to society? Celebrities? Are their lives really that much better than ours? The only thing I can think of is their wealth, but God promises us GREATER wealth than we can ever imagine in the life we get to live with Him after our physical demise.

How many celebrities do you think are truly happy? How many divorces do you see happen a year? How many are incarcerated a week? How many become consumed in drugs or alcohol; is their life not enough for them to be happy without those things? The statistics do not lie. Genuinely happy people do not turn to destructive things to search for fulfillment (or physical things like…..makeup). Do I want to be ‘successful’ or ‘accepted’ by society’s standards anymore? I am starting to realize that I really don’t. This value and worth I have been searching for in worldly things will only always disappoint me. I have been disappointed continuously for years, and now that I am actively seeking Christ for my value I am OVERFLOWING with the feeling of importance and fulfillment.

Believe me when I say this, I am a very rational girl. Yes, I have a lot of feelings and emotions. Guys do not be surprised or scared when I let you in on this little secret- (most girls go through the same feelings I am going through…I’m just openly telling you about them). I do realize that every guy I am interested in might not be interested in me. I understand that the Lord has created a man just for me and the other guys that don’t work out are because they were created just for someone else. In my mind I know that. But when I express interest in a boy, and they do not reciprocate those feelings, something in me feels like I’m not good enough. There is a reason I am interested in him- I dig him. I think he’s cool. I think he’s cooler than just any old guy I have met previously. So in my eyes, when someone who I think is cool does not think I am cool back, it makes me feel bad about myself. Whether I think he’s ‘the one’ or not! Some people’s opinions just matter more than others. Obviously the opinion of a guy a girl thinks is ‘cool’ matters more than the opinion of a guy that she doesn’t have feelings for. That’s just how our minds work. If he is cool, and he thinks I am cool, then I must really be cool.

Recently, a relationship I had with a guy that I thought was really cool ended unexpectedly. For reasons that are not important for you to know. (Okay, this is me really spilling my guts now…sorry ‘guy’ if you’re reading this, this is how I really feel). I thought this guy was awesome. I thought that he thought I was just as awesome. But things never really seemed to work out in our favor. I was clearly not a priority in his life and I was making him one in mine. I poured a lot of myself into this empty relationship so when it ended I felt so worthless. Girls do this all the time. We were clearly anything but perfect, but I wanted so badly for things to work with him that I was willing to go against my gut instinct that this wasn’t the healthiest of relationships. I was blinded by my feelings for him. When it ended for good this last time I was so crushed. I was hurt. I cried. I thought to myself, “Why wasn’t I good enough for him? Why were my efforts not enough? If he can’t love me for who I am then who possibly can?” Y’all, this was ONE boy's opinion of me and it affected me THIS much. I am 20 years old and I felt hopeless because of ONE GUY.

But what I did after this last ‘break up’ I didn’t do after all the previous ones. I prayed to the Lord to heal my heart. I am going to share with you all some parts of the word doc that I wrote about this boy 2 months ago. These are the deepest feelings in my heart, but I believe by letting y’all see this part of me, girls can identify with my same feelings and hopefully turn to the Lord for their healing, and guys can see what really goes on in girls’ hearts and hopefully will be gentler with us.

“My heart hardens just a little bit more each time you hurt me.  I add one more brick to my growing protective wall.  After a good amount of time I believe that my wall is big enough to protect me from you.  But then you come back, break every brick, and completely expose my heart to you again.  You are the one that breaks my heart but you are also the one that can mend it the best.  So I let you in again, I let you rebuild my heart.  The only problem is I start to build my heart around you.  My heart’s strength is reliant on you.  I continually give you all the power over my heart, and you don’t know how to protect it.  So you continue to disappoint and hurt me, continue to hold my heart in your hands and ruin it, and I continue to let you do this.”

If you try to build your heart around anyone in this world, whether it is a boy, a girl, a friend, or even a family member, they will do nothing but disappoint you. That is human nature. Don’t build your heart around me because I can’t be liable for that kind of responsibility. It was my fault that I let this one guy have that much power over something as precious as my heart, whether he was aware I was doing that or not. That wasn’t fair of me to put that kind of dependence on someone.

“I cannot rely on you this time to fix me. I have to rely on Him. This time I am going to rebuild my heart around someone who will never disappoint me. I am going to rely on someone who will never break my heart and someone who knows how to protect it. He is the only one who I will always be completely satisfied with.  I will not be bitter anymore. I will not be sad. I found someone I can rely on, and in that, I am in complete peace.  My heart will be joyous. My heart will not long for you anymore. The only thing my heart will long for will be Him and He will long for my heart too.”

Let me tell you this- I wrote that in a coffee shop one night (try that sometime, coffee shops are wonderful thinking venues) and after I repeated that last paragraph to myself, and those last sentences, the Lord filled me with such a peace of mind. There is no way I could have been healed from that relationship on my own. [Editor’s note- these are my opinions on a relationship from MY point of view. This guy is not a bad guy, and I use that in past and present tense. He just wasn’t the guy for me, and he will be the guy for someone else. I can accept that now].

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life” Proverbs 4:23

Seeking fulfillment and worth in the world will only lead to disappointment and heartbreak. But if you diligently seek the Lord for your value and build your heart around HIS love, He will protect your heart and He will guide you through so many amazing things. I shouldn’t place all of my value and my worth on the opinion of one boy. The only person who has the capability to take our whole hearts and not break them is the Lord. Ladies, stop putting that kind of reliance on the men in your lives. (I’m speaking to myself as well).

I have yet to have a successful long lasting relationship with a guy so I am not giving relationship advice from experience. But I am giving relationship advice from a person who has failed and from a person who has a successful relationship with the Lord. He heals broken hearts, y’all, that’s His job. I don’t want to be broken for the man that God created for me. I don’t want to be broken for my future husband. I will seek the Lord with all my heart so that when I meet the man I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with, he won’t have to worry about fixing a broken girl before he can enjoy getting to know me. No man should have to worry about that.

Our hearts are so fragile. God made them that way. Please be aware of that, guys, and be gentle every chance you get. Girls rely on you far more than you realize. Even the girls in your life you are not romantically involved with. God calls on men to be the strength and sturdy rock to the women around them. Take that to heart and be aware of how you affect, positively or negatively, those girls around you.

Pray for every girl out there right now seeking someone to heal their broken hearts. Pray that they will stumble upon this message or stumble upon the Lord. Pray for the men out there who hold that much power over girls’ hearts. Pray that they will both be diligent in seeking the Lord for their fulfillment, leaving the fun parts of dating for each other. In the words of my friend, “Your partner should be someone you share happiness with not seek happiness in.”