I went into today with the mindset that I would be able to wear
makeup to the concert I was going to tonight. Josh Abbott Band and Randy Rogers
Band were coming to Nacogdoches! I had gone through my 'trial day' and it was
difficult, so I was looking forward to feeling pretty again to say the least. I
told myself I could have this one night before I even started this challenge,
so it wasn't like I would be cheating. But when it came to getting ready for
the concert something didn't feel right.
About an hour after I posted the link to this blog on my Facebook
page, 330 people had viewed it. (okay, 13 of those views were from me before I
even published it- just to make sure it looked O.K.- but the rest were from
others!!) Within that same hour I received so many wonderful, encouraging
messages from friends, family, and even people I have not met. I have thanked
y’all personally but would like to thank y’all publicly now. Your sweet words
of encouragement have been so wonderful to hear. This feedback I have received
has been delightfully overwhelming. (Some of y'all even made me cry--in a good
way though!) I told my best friend before I published this blog that I
had this feeling God was going to use me in a way that was greater than I could
imagine. That He was going to use me and this journey of mine, not only for me,
but for my peers to grow in their faith. I wanted to make my journey public so
that I would be kept accountable. I cannot describe this feeling that has
overcome me since announcing my plan to go a month without wearing any makeup,
but I can only attribute it to each and every one of your prayers. The Lord has
covered me in a blanket of peace over the last 24 hours and I am convinced your
prayers are the source of that. THANK YOU. Since starting writing this post (20
min. ago?) now 574 people have viewed my blog. GOD IS SO GOOD. Keep me in your
prayers that the Lord will use me to reach out to people who need it, and that
He will give me the right words that someone needs to hear. The Lord works in
incredible ways and I am truly blessed to be a tool of his. [It is midnight now
and in just 12 hours 1,774 people have seen my blog. Views have come from
10 different countries all over the world. All I can say is 'wow' and smile.]
My older brother shared this verse with me today via a friend of
his, so I would like to share it with y'all. Throughout this process I will
come back to this verse frequently.
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials
of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops
perseverance." James 1: 2-4
This will be a test of my faith. And in the end I will persevere.
Today was a little better than yesterday. I spent most of my day
in my room blogging. Being in my room I did not feel vulnerable, of course, and
did not feel insecure with how I looked. Reading all of your messages of
encouragement reinforced the reason why I started this blog in the first place.
I gave myself this challenge to try to overcome my insecurities and rely on the
Lord for my value. I decided to share this publicly with y'all in hopes of
impacting someone else's life. Doing something for myself is beneficial on its
own, but because I have the opportunity to potentially have others benefit from
it too, I will gladly tear down the wall I hide behind and be completely
transparent. (If I am making this look easy, trust me it is not. This is
completely out of my comfort zone). But, your feedback has validated my
decision and I couldn't be happier (now) to share this part of my life with you
all.
As I said earlier, when it came time to get ready for the concert
something didn't feel right. After posting about my first day without wearing
any makeup, and hearing all the positive responses from it, if I wore makeup to
the concert IN PUBLIC, I asked myself how that would be benefitting to anyone?
The only person that would possibly benefit would be me. For selfish reasons.
For a couple of hours. For a couple of drunk boys' comments that I didn't need to care about anyway. For a few, "Oh my gosh you look so pretty!"
comments from acquaintances. Did I really need that validation from my peers? I
struggled over this question for longer than I should have. But with the
strength I felt from your encouragement I decided that I wouldn't only be
cheating myself, but I would be cheating each of you if I gave in after just
one day. One day is hard, and two days is even harder, but where would I be if
I kept taking steps backwards? I decided to go to the concert with a bare face.
One of the most difficult things I have done emotionally. Wow,
that was hard to admit. In the company of my closest friends it is easier to
feel comfortable, but in the venue that drew in just about every 20-something
within an hours' drive? That was truly going to be a test. I found myself SO
jealous of the beautiful girls there wearing makeup. Concerts are a watering
hole where just about every girl and guy congregate to look their best. And I
was there looking exceptionally sub par. At the beginning I caught myself
shying away from the lights (we all look the same in the dark, right?) so I
tried to use that to my advantage. After awhile though, after being surrounded
by my friends, I started to forget that I wasn't wearing makeup and I started
to loosen up. A few guys grabbed me and made me dance with them (I say 'made'
me, but I loved every second of it). That helped me feel better about myself. I
started laughing and smiling again. I don't know what your opinions are, but I
believe that a smile is the best accessory to anybody's face. I wore
my best accessory tonight.
Tonight has taught me that even in the one place where girls are
supposed to look their best- i.e. wear their cutest outfit and lots of makeup-
a girl can go in just a simple dress and boots and be able to feel her best. Granted,
I didn't start the night out feeling my best, but as time progressed I think I
got close enough to it. This was not an easy night for me. I am still learning
to let go of my insecurities and let God show me how beautiful I can be on the
inside. This is a process of course, but I can see the light at the end of the
tunnel. With your support and with your prayers I will have the strength to
beat this corrupted mindset society has imbedded in me. I can overcome the
poisonous thoughts of worthlessness I feel when I look in the mirror without
anything to hide behind. I can be beautiful in the LORD's eyes and I can rely
on His opinion alone for my value.
"Do not let your adorning
be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the
clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with
the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which
in God's sight is very precious."
1 Peter 3:3-4
The honesty of your vulnerability that I'm reading in just the small details of this one post from your concert does two amazing things. One, it allows men to gleam a little insight into the depth of the issue, and you've only scratched the surface. We like to brush it off, keep ourselves blind to the major role we play while we wash our hands and write off a woman's feelings by just saying they're overreacting, acting crazy, or just being too insecure. Men need to be men by seeing each woman as a true work of art and nothing less. I'm a part of the problem, and I still have a lot of growing up to do, but I do try and catch myself when I'm shorting a woman in the proper respect she deserves in my thoughts or actions. Two, you've given women much needed support and encouragement beyond what I could understand. I hope both men and women alike find some peace and self worth either within themselves or through God as he or she understands Him. I'm looking forward to reading your blog and the comments and insight from everyone. Makes me happy that so many people around the world have seen this already. Stay strong. You are beautiful. Namaste.
ReplyDeleteChristopher Leon