Days 16 & 17- Passion Conference

Passion Conference 2014 in Houston, Texas:

Put yourself in this place with me.

It is quiet.

You are small relative to your location.

Thousands surround you, and all that is audible is a dull humming of indiscernible conversations.

The lights go out completely and you see nothing.

Silence.

Then, everything around you erupts with light and sound at once, and the Lord’s name penetrates the atmosphere and your body.

THOUSANDS proclaiming their love for ONE at one moment in time.

Bright faces shine wherever the light catches the perceivable.

You are consumed in the middle of a stadium transformed for His glory.

Thousands of students in our generation are losing themselves in the name of the Lord.

There is no other like this.

You feel the beat of the music in your soul.

You feel Christ flowing in and out of every heart in this vast place.

He is EVERYWHERE.

You couldn’t escape Him if you tried.

There is no place to hide.

There is nowhere to go but to Him.

He is omnipresent, and this feeling doesn’t cease when the music stops.

He flows through you like your heart beats and like your lungs breathe.

It’s second nature at this point.

It never ends.

It never stops.

I don’t want this feeling to ever stop.

I can be so overwhelmingly joyful that it won’t ever stop for me because I get to spend eternity with the Greatest to have ever walked this earth.

THAT is something to rejoice in.

THAT is something to glorify.

THAT is something we should never take for granted.

Everything tangible on this earth is fleeting.

The Lord’s name can reach further than the tangible.

His name pulses through my veins.

His grace penetrates into my soul.

He is in me and I am in Him.

He is the safest place to be.

No other compares.

In the Instagram caption words of a friend, “Experienced a tiny tiny Glimpse of what heaven will be like one day. All of God’s people, unified in one, singing Holy, Holy, Holy."

“My heart is yours

My heart is yours

Take it all

Take it all

My life in Your hands”

I noticed something else.

Looking into the vast darkness of this arena, I saw a light. One simple light- shining on a phone all the way across the place. I thought to myself, how beautiful and amazing it is that I can see that light even though it is so minute and so far away. I was able to see that light because it was surrounded by darkness. This world is complete darkness, y’all, so if just one person is on fire for the Lord, you can tell from a mile away. We stand out that much. It is our job to be that light and show people around us how different we are from society and how much brighter we shine than the rest of the world. Don’t hide it. Proclaim your love and burn with passion so that everyone can revel in His glory through you. When the whole stadium lit up with the lights on everyone’s phones, it was truly a spectacle to take in. Something as simple as light. And when you hold up your own light, it’s okay if you aren’t able to see it. When you hold up a light in a dark crowd, it’s not for your own benefit, it’s for others to see and appreciate. When they see your light and when they are affected by it, then they may choose to shine theirs, and that is when you get to see the light you spread to the world. When the people around you are lit up for Christ, as you are, that is something to be proud of.

When it was time for people to stand in declaration of their newly found faith in Jesus Christ, in front of thousands, my eyes were struck in awe. I witnessed thousands of hands lifted up to You, Lord. As the speaker was speaking and declaring Your name, we were lifting all the glory up to You. I saw a girl walk 8 rows in front of her, to place both of her hands on the back of a stranger who had stood up from her seat announcing her acceptance of Jesus Christ as her savior. I saw chains of hands linked on multiple backs along multiple rows around me of people praying over the new believers. Sending our prayers to You, Lord. We were rejoicing because we witnessed the inception of eternal life for those who asked for it. They get to join us into forever. Tears couldn’t help but trickle down my cheeks. I was taken back to the feelings I felt when I accepted You into my heart many years ago, those feelings I will never forget, and back just two weeks ago when I felt Your presence over me again. It is indescribable. And my heart leaps for joy at the thought that someone else was able to catch a glimpse of You tonight. Just a glimpse. That’s all it takes. And after that, we don’t want anything of this world anymore because it doesn’t even compare.

The Lord affects and impacts people in so many different ways.

There simply are no words that can reflect the magnitude of what I experienced.

But this was my attempt.

And this was just my point of view.

God is good, y’all.

Day 15- Singleness & My Future Husband

I mentioned a special someone in my ‘Day 6’ post and in my ‘Day 10’ post. So on this ‘Day of Love’ I think it is only fitting that I talk about him.

Lately it seems like all of my friends are getting into relationships. Like really, all my closest friends are finding these awesome guys and I’ve been starting to feel lonely again. I feel like I’m left out of an exclusive club or something. A club entitled, “I’m so happy because I’m in a relationship” club. Okay that was lame, but you get my point, right? I’m over here in single-land, with my busy life (which I really do enjoy), just doing me. Who has time for a guy in college anyway?? Singleness is great, I guess, but wouldn’t life be so much better if I could share it with someone? I am 20 years old, y’all, and I’ve never had a real Valentine. (Except for my Daddy, of course, he always gets me the best chocolate)

In my ‘Day 6’ post I wrote, “I don’t want to be broken for the man that God created for me. I don’t want to be broken for my future husband. I will seek the Lord with all my heart so that when I meet the man I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with, he won’t have to worry about fixing a broken girl before he can enjoy getting to know me.”

“My future husband”

I am already thinking about him.

I am not thinking about him in the traditional context that girls often think of their future husbands, like I have in the past- i.e. I meet a cool guy and then fantasize about our lives together, write my name with his last name, and then think about how he could be ‘the one’ (sorry guys, yes every girl is guilty of this). No. I am thinking about him as if I have not met him yet. Because I don’t know if I have.

In December I heard about the idea of writing your future husband a letter and then giving it to him on your wedding day (like a snapshot of the past that he can read from a younger you). And I LOVED this idea! So, on December 30 I wrote my future husband a letter. Then I started to write him about once a week, or whenever something important happened to me that I thought was writing-worthy. I really liked that concept- to write to my future husband during this stage in my life. Like a journal (I already have a journal) but concentrated as a letter to whomever I marry. It can be a cool way for him to see into my past and be able to hear about my life, from me, during a time before he knew me. Also, it will be nice for him to know I was thinking about him LONG before we were together. That’s special.

I then came up with this statement (which I tweeted in December):

“Write a letter to your future husband every day. If you might do something you don’t want to write him about—don’t do it”

You don’t have to physically write him a letter every day, but I thought that this was a cool perspective and an interesting mindset to have as you go about your life everyday. Instead of the typical way of approaching every situation with a “WWJD?” mindset (which is great, don’t get me wrong), we can start approaching situations with a “Would I want to tell my future husband about this one day?” mindset. Talk about keeping yourself disciplined!!!

And also, when I do end up meeting Mr. Right, my letters will automatically become about him, and he can read once we are married everything I was thinking while we were dating. (My best friend’s sister kept a journal throughout the seven years she dated her current husband, and that was her gift to him on their wedding day—SO SPECIAL).

The premise behind this concept is verse 12 in Proverbs 31 about the Good Wife that states, “She does him good not harm all the days of her life”. ALL the days of her life including the days before she even meets him! We can start praying for our future husbands RIGHT NOW, ladies (and guys you can pray for your future wife), every day until we marry him and then continue after as well, because we don’t necessarily have to know who he is to pray for him and bring him good not harm. The way we choose to live our lives and the things we do that will honor him one day will bring him good not harm. We can start now!

I think this will radically change the way we live day-to-day FOR THE BETTER and help us focus on how God wants us to live. It’s hard sometimes to just think, “Okay, I need to live for God every day” because that can be obscure and hard at times. But if we focus our attention on something a little more tangible (like the thought of our future husband- I know thoughts aren’t tangible but HE will be one day) then we are more likely to WANT to live for God and WANT to honor our future husband. This is an alternative approach to everyday thinking, but can potentially have incredibly positive effects in the future, regardless of your past.

Now, here’s the good stuff for the singles, y’all:

Be comforted by the fact that the Lord has made someone specifically for you. The people who have dates today have either found that one person (yay, be happy for them) or they are going to learn soon enough they’re with the wrong person (you shouldn’t be jealous of that). Have a happy heart. Be glad with where you are at in your life right now. Be joyful in your singleness. Be patient. Being single doesn’t mean you’re alone, it means you can ‘do you’ (as I’m doing right now). You get to figure out yourself. You get to learn to love yourself. If you don’t understand yourself, if you can’t love yourself, or if you don’t know what you want exactly, then how can you expect someone else to figure those things out?

I was talking to my best friend about feeling lonely a few days ago. She’s one of the ones I talked about before about recently getting into a relationship, and this is what she told me:

“So if there isn’t a guy then that’s God saying, “Rachel, it’s time to do YOU and ME. I don’t want a guy to be in the picture while I’m trying to get closer with YOU. This can give you time to really collect yourself and find yourself in independence. The right guy will come along. Timing is everything and God’s timing is perfect! Maybe this is a blessing in disguise. You’re focused on yourself and your relationship with God.”

Rejoice in the knowledge that the Lord picked you to get closer with individually. He wants to see inside your heart on it’s own! Without anyone else interfering. He wants to take your heart and heal it. He wants you to be ready for your future spouse and He will mold you for him and he for you. Pray for them every chance you get. I want my future husband to have it as easy as it can be with me. It won’t be easy because I am human and I sin, but why make it harder on him when you don’t have to? I’ve made mistakes in the past that I’m going to have to tell him about and if he’s the one I marry then he will accept those mistakes and forgive me. In turn, I will accept his mistakes and forgive him. But based on that knowledge, why add to the list? It’s going to be difficult enough if I meet him today, and when the time comes confess my past up until now. I don’t want to have to ‘confess’ anything I do in the present. Ultimately it is worth it to wait for your spouse, as it will be so much more rewarding if you do! And it’s never too late to start.

It is much easier to date someone who knows exactly who they are, and you won’t get stuck identifying yourself in your relationship. You can find your identity in CHRIST and then grow with your significant other.

RUN TOWARDS CHRIST, AND IF YOU FIND SOMEONE RUNNING BESIDE YOU- GRAB THEIR HAND AND CARRY ON RUNNING TOGETHER.

That should be your mentality to any relationship you pursue. You should look for someone who makes you a better person because you’re with them, and someone who helps you grow closer to the Lord, not drift farther away from Him.

If you don’t already, pray for you future spouse. You shouldn’t pray for selfish reasons, but those prayers will ultimately affect you one day. Pray that he is being the man today that you want him to be when you marry him. Pray for his health. Pray for his heart. Pray for his mind and any struggles he might be going through. Pray for him today, because you want the best for him in the future.

And being single doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you. Being single means you can become confident with yourself and become strong in your walk with Christ. And to me, that is something to be proud of.

[Editor’s Note- Future husband, if you’re reading this— if you don’t know what to do for me for Valentine’s Day, just get me chocolate and I’ll be the happiest girl. That goes for any holiday or any day of the week, really. Chocolate is always the answer.]

Days 13 & 14- "Better" vs. "Beautiful"

I wore makeup today (Wednesday) for the first time in 13 days.

Now, before you start making assumptions and judgments about me, let me explain myself:

I did not put on makeup in an attempt to feel better about myself. I did not put on makeup because I gave in and couldn’t do this challenge anymore (I’m way too competitive for that, honestly. ‘Veni Vidi Vici’ is my unofficial life motto- “I came, I saw, I conquered”. I set out to conquer everything I put my mind to). And I did not put on makeup to try to feel beautiful. I put on makeup because my sorority was shooting a recruitment video for the fall, so we were supposed to represent ourselves well- i.e. hair & makeup done. That’s all I put it on for, and I took it all off the next available time I was back in my apartment.

It felt weird wearing makeup again. I think I forgot how to apply makeup, honestly, because after I put on my eyeliner I thought to myself, “Is that how that’s supposed to look?” (read in a skeptical voice). And only a few people noticed! I don’t wear a lot of eye makeup usually, but my big thing was cover-up and blush- to hide my blemishes. If people noticed then they didn’t say anything. Only two girls on my team noticed because I had to go to practice right after we shot the video. I was happily surprised no one noticed/kind of offended because I actually put effort into how I looked and no one noticed. But that’s a selfish thought I had because as I keep trying to remind myself- outward beauty doesn’t matter!!!

From observation I have found that the people around me are not overtly treating me any differently now (without makeup) than they did a couple weeks ago (before this challenge). The same boys still flirt, the same girls still sweet to me, and the same friends just as good of friends. I don’t know if I honestly expected that to change? But it hasn’t. I don’t worry about the good company I surround myself with. I do still have those lingering self-conscious thoughts in the back of my mind about strangers who see me out, or about people I meet for the first time. First impressions are important and I’m nervous people won’t get the best first impression of me just by looking at me without makeup on. And now as I’m typing this out I am realizing how silly my thought-process is. And who really cares about people’s opinions who don’t really know me anyway?

The people who know my heart love me for my heart. The people who don’t know my heart, don’t really know me, so their opinions are irrelevant.

Now, repeat that to yourself a couple times, Rach, until you truly believe it.

I think that I look “better” when I wear makeup, but I don’t think I look more “beautiful” than I do without it on.

^^^^that’s a big realization and huge statement for me to make! PROGRESS!

Keep me in your prayers, y’all. God’s having fun changing my heart but He’s not done with me yet.

Days 11 & 12- Busy Schedule

Having to sit down and write about my experiences every day has more than anything made me realize how UNinteresting my life is. Looking back on surface level this is pretty much how my days go:

M/W

I get up way too early (5:15 am) then work out way too hard (weights). I then have just enough time to shower but not enough time to nap before my classes at 9:00 and 10:00. I then get to eat lunch, and depending on my mood I will either study from 1:00 until 4:00 or sleep during that time. Around 6:00 I’ll run with my team and then either attend a sorority thing on Mondays or my Community Group on Wednesdays at 7:30. After all that I have to find time to eat/shower/study and I’ll be lucky to get to bed by 11:00.

T/TH

I (might) get up to an alarm titled “do something productive” around 9:00 and may or may not do anything productive…. but usually I’ll eat. I get to go to my favorite psychology class at 11:00 and then my least favorite psychology class taught by a professor who cannot pronounce the words on his slides (that I can pronounce) at 12:30. I eat something quickly around 2:00 before I have to report for soccer practice around 4:00. After practice I’ll have a couple hours to do whatever I want…eat/shower/nap. Then at 8:00 I’ll go to FCA on Tuesdays and on Thursdays I used to be free, but now I get to go to a Panhellenic bible study (yay!). After that I get to sleep by midnight if it’s a good night.

Fridays I sleep all day after morning weights. I manage to wake up as the sun goes to sleep and I'll meet up with friends usually. Saturday is pretty much a mirror image of Friday, excluding weights. Sunday I meet with a mentor group of girls, go to church/worship, then go to a Zeta meeting. Then I go home and pray Monday morning weights don't come. [Editor's Note- That's the one prayer God has not answered yet....BUT tonight we got a text from our coach saying this Wednesday's (tomorrow's) weights is cancelled!!!!! YAY]

If you’re still reading, I commend your attention span because I almost stopped typing that made me so bored. The life of a girl who cannot say no, meets the life of a girl who loves to stay busy. I write out my schedule on a sheet of paper at the beginning of every week and then enjoy (way more than I should) crossing each thing off once I do it.  When things come up that I don’t plan on, it stresses me out, but when things go as I plan, then I’m a really happy girl. That’s how I keep my mind sane.

And as you have read so far, Jesus is how I keep my heart sane. I could not heal my heart on my own, and am still struggling trying to rely on the Lord to do so for me. I am trying to live the life that the Lord has planned out for me. He has a specific blueprint for the life He wants me to live, and I'm finally learning how to read it.

I envision the Lord as I see myself—He enjoys crossing off His 'To Do List' for my life…. and I don’t want to stand in the way of that, now do I?

P.S.- not wearing makeup really comes in handy on rainy days (ladies, you know what I'm talking about....it's great, right??) Everyone looks just as bad as I do with no makeup on, or they look worse with mascara running down their face. I'm trying to find the humor in this.

Day 10- Three Prayers

I found three pieces of paper in my jacket today.

Two Wednesdays ago I went to a worship night at my church here at school thinking my life was great. I had just gotten back from spending a weekend with my older brother and all of his friends, and I had a smile plastered on my face that nothing in the world could take off. My life was the best of both worlds- I went to church on Sundays and bible studies on Tuesdays and Wednesdays every week with one group of friends, and on Friday and Saturday nights I went out with my other group of friends. I’ve spent my whole life busy and learning to juggle everything I’m involved in, and I had just gone pro at juggling my social and spiritual life. But, I never really got the best of both worlds; I realized I only had the pretty good of each.

Like I said, Wednesday night I went into the church feeling like a champ. But during the second song of praise I started weeping. And when I say ‘weeping’ I really mean weeping. It started with a couple of tears, but not after long I started having to catch my breath because the tears were coming faster than I could handle them. It’s hard to explain the feeling that overcame me at that moment, but the best I can do is describing it as empty. I was empty. I felt like there was nothing in me. I was not entirely fulfilled by my social life and I was not entirely fulfilled by my spiritual life. My heart was weeping, longing for something to satisfy it completely. The words and song that filled the room guaranteed that though we are broken, the Lord heals. So I took out a pen and paper, sat down, and through my watery eyes I wrote down 3 prayers. The first I titled, ‘Lift up’, the second, ‘Thank You’, and the third, I wrote too much so there wasn’t room for a title. These were the words and feelings that were on my heart at that moment.

Lift Up

Dear Lord,

I lift everything up to you. All my worries, all my anxieties, all my insecurities. They aren’t mine they are yours. I pray for my grandparents. Please lift my grandma’s sickness [Alzheimer’s]. Please lift my grandfather’s frustration. Please lift all these burdens from their shoulders & all the burdens from my family’s shoulders. You alone can give us peace. Please don’t let my grandparents suffer anymore. Please give them strength. You alone can give them the strength they need. I lift up all these worries to you.

Amen.

I wrote that prayer. Folded it up. Then began a new prayer on a different sheet.

Thank You

Dear Lord,

Thank you for everything you have done for me. Thank you for all the blessings you have given me. Thank you for being a forgiving God. Thank you for being an all-powerful God. Thank you for being an accepting God. Thank you for being a gracious God. No one is worthy of your blessings, yet you give them out freely. Thank you for saving me. Thank you for saving my family & friends. Thank you for what you have done. Thank you for what you are doing. Thank you for what you will do in the future.

Amen.

I wrote that prayer. Folded it up. Then began my third prayer on a different sheet.

No Title

Dear Lord,

I pray for my friends. I pray that you keep them strong in their walk w/ you. I pray you continue to use them in my life. I pray for my family. I pray that whatever struggles are going on in their lives that you will give them the strength to overcome it & the peace to deal with it. I pray for my peers. I pray you will continue to touch students’ lives on this campus & in this city. I pray for students in every city. I pray that in this difficult time in our lives you will touch & mold us to what you want us to be. I pray for my future husband. I pray that wherever he is right now you give him peace. I pray for his safety tonight. I pray for his health tonight. I pray for his heart tonight. I pray for his mind tonight. I pray that you lift him up wherever he is right now. I pray he can feel your overwhelming love & joy. I pray you keep your hand on him & lead him where you want him to go & to what you want him to be. I pray for the people who have hurt me. I pray you show them the kindness they could not show me. I pray you bless their lives. I pray I can be an example to them. I pray my heart will not be bitter. I pray you continue to guard my heart. I pray you continue to guard my soul. I pray for anyone & everyone who needs prayers right now. I pray you lift up everyone in this room. I pray whatever is on their hearts will be answered. I pray you continue to keep all of us in our walk strong. I pray for the people just beginning their walk. I pray for everyone’s past. I pray for everyone’s present. I pray for everyone’s future.

I didn’t write ‘Amen’ after the last prayer. I left it open. I left it open because that prayer should be on my heart constantly. After writing and talking to God through those three prayers, I felt a sense of peace rush through my body. And I started crying even harder. The girls around me started praying for me and over me, and at this point my tears were coming out regardless of my body’s wishes. I couldn’t control them. These tears were not ‘empty’ tears anymore though; these tears now were ‘relieved’ tears. I was comforted by the thought that the Lord could fill my heart completely, and I was comforted by the thought that all I had to do was ask.

I have been saved since I was seven years old. My dad explained everything to me in understandable terms, so I knew what I was doing when I repeated the Lord’s Prayer with him. When you ask Jesus into your heart the Holy Spirit moves into a new home. And He never moves out. Wednesday I felt the Holy Spirit convict my heart of the things in my life that weren’t beneficial to my spiritual health or my walk with Christ. My heart wept for authentic love that I was not getting from any other aspect of my life. I thought I was being poured into from the Lord when I went to my bible studies and church, but He couldn’t pour into me completely because there were other things in my heart blocking Him. Wednesday night I cried out the parts of my life that were blocking Him, and gave Him the room He deserved.

The next day I prayed all day and I had many other people praying for me as well. The Lord lay on my heart that there was one thing in particular I have been struggling with for a while that was preventing Him from having my whole heart. My heart was wounded and I was looking to worldly things to make me feel better. I was relying on my looks and the attention I would get from guys, and girls too, to make me feel good about myself. I placed my value in those opinions. The Lord lay on my heart that I needed to rely on His opinion for that validation, not the opinion of man. I looked in the mirror that day and decided that the only way I could truly see God working in my life and trust Him to show me my value in His eyes, was to stop wearing makeup. So I asked my friends and family to pray for me, and that Friday was my (Trial) Day 1.

I felt the Lord calling me to do something that frankly, I did not want to do. This is hard for me. I gave up every ounce of my self-confidence when I tucked my makeup bag underneath my counter. It’s sad that is where my confidence lies, but I am so grateful I get to now find my confidence in the Lord. It’s been almost two weeks now and my heart has never been more content. God is good, y’all. When you answer His call, He will deliver on His promises. He calls each of us to do different things because all of our lives look different. I had been ignoring that tugging at my heart, but He finally broke me and showed me I need to turn to Him completely. And giving up something as big of a deal to me as makeup, has never been more rewarding. He blesses those who follow Him.

“If you fully obey the Lord your God and carefully follow all his commands I give you today, the Lord your God will set you high above all the nations on earth. All these blessings will come on you and accompany you if you obey the Lord your God” Deuteronomy 28: 1-2

Pray for those who feel a tugging at their heart. Pray for those who feel empty inside but just don’t know what to attribute it to. Pray they feel the Lord’s presence on their hearts and do not ignore His calling. Pray that they have the strength to overcome whatever is blocking them from receiving the Lord completely. Pray that I will stay strong in my struggles and stay strong while trying to walk with the Lord. Pray for all of our hearts. The Lord can do incredible things if we let Him.

“The Lord will grant that the enemies who rise up against you will be defeated before you. They will come at you from one direction but flee from you in seven” Deuteronomy 28:7

Days 8 & 9- Independence & Trust

I am a very independent person. My parents as well as my close friends can attest to that statement. From an early age I began to prefer doing things on my own. One of my earliest memories was when my mom told me I couldn’t jump into the deep end of our pool without my floaties on or without her supervision (I don’t remember my age but it was before I took formal ‘swimming lessons’). I remember knowing that I was capable of jumping into the deep end and being able to swim safely to the side. Who was my mother to tell me that I couldn’t? Who was she to not believe in me? So I jumped anyway and swam safely to the edge of the pool. I had just proven to myself that I could do things on my own. [Editor's Note- This example also reveals how stubborn I was as a child, and no, things have not changed]

I learned not to rely on other people for things I could just get done myself.  Starting in high school I did my own laundry. I was tired of my mom constantly telling me to fold everyone in the family’s laundry (that was one of my chores), so I made a deal with her that I only had to be responsible for my own laundry- washing, drying and folding. If I didn’t feel like doing my laundry, then I wouldn’t have clean clothes to wear (I quickly adopted a system many boys are known to use- if I pick it up and it doesn’t smell bad, then it’s clean. Ha.) That’s just a simple example though. In high school I also learned very quickly that other people disappoint. Based on many, many situations that I’m sure all of you have found yourself in at one time or another, I came to the conclusion that you can’t trust anyone. That is a very sad conclusion to come to at such a young age, but in the world we live in today it is very understandable. But still, how sad.

I am independent by my nature, but I think my surroundings have cultivated it into an unhealthy independence. It became very hard for me to trust other people. Having to rely on someone else to do something for me became the scariest notion in the world. Everyone I had once depended on had only let me down. I believed that I could never disappoint myself. My future was in my hands and everything would go just as I planned it would…But I forgot to take into account that LIFE happens and not everything goes as ‘planned’, even though I thought I had everything under control. When I couldn’t rely on others, I was forced to rely on myself. But whom could I rely on when my own strength wasn’t sufficient?

“But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

There are SO many verses in the Bible that talk about strength, and all of them urge us to rely on the Lord for our strength. What amazes me, and what I don’t think will ever cease to amaze me, is that there seems to be a verse in the Bible for every situation I find myself in. Coincidence? I don’t think so. God is not able to be with us tangibly, but He left us something tangible we can go to when we want to hear His words. A book packed full of His wisdom. JUST FOR US! The word ‘strength’ and other versions of the word are mentioned in the Bible over 360 times (I Googled it). This is something the Lord knows we struggle with as humans. He leaves no chance that we don’t come across Him telling us to rely on His strength. It is that important to Him, and He knows it is that important to us.

So, let this be encouragement to YOU and to ME- The Lord never once calls on us to be our own source of strength. He never once tells us that He expects us to do things on our own. Independence is great, but when you can’t do things alone, guess who’s already there ready to take over- GOD! He is waiting so patiently for us to call on Him for help. We are not born with strength; we get our strength from the Lord. I have to continually remind myself of that statement. When you feel weak, He will make you feel strong.

Today (Saturday) was the hardest day for me in this challenge so far. I avoided the mirror at all costs. You can be as confident in your relationship with Christ, and you can have as many people try to assure you that you are beautiful, but if you are not confident yourself then none of that matters. I had been riding on a ‘high’ from this challenge up until now, but it’s officially been a week and I’m officially ‘low’ again. These past two days I have slacked on praying. These past two days I have not been diligently seeking in the Lord for my peace. I had been doing well so far, so I was ready to come off the training wheels, right? I can do things on my own, God was just showing me how to do it first, and then I was ready to do it myself. Um, wrong. Do we approach any other relationships in that manner?

“Hey, let’s get to know each other really well, and once we know each other well enough we can quit talking cause I’ll be confident in where we stand in our relationship.” …..…said no one ever.

That relationship would never last. Platonic or romantic.

I was comfortable in my relationship with Christ so I stopped talking to Him as frequently as I had before. But the reason I was so close to Him was because I talked to Him every day, because I diligently read His word and sought after Him in all aspects of my life. Once I ceased to do those things, I ceased to feel Him in me. I am independent but I have to learn to depend on Him for the things that I cannot do on my own. I am not perfect, but HE IS. I have to learn to trust Him again, as I have spent so much of my life teaching myself not to trust the people who disappoint me. He is my strength. He is the only person I can rely on. HE WILL NEVER DISAPPOINT.

Pray for me today. Lift up my self-reliance, lift up my weaknesses, and lift up my insecurities- lift those up to the Lord so that He can fill me with strength and with peace. Pray for those who are searching for the one thing in their life that they can fully depend on. Pray they find Jesus Christ. He is the answer we are all looking for.

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything; tell God your needs and don’t forget to thank him for his answers. If you do this you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand.” Philippians 4:6-7